Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
