Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
