if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
