need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
