he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize