I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
