well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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