Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
