doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize