TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
