Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize