you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
