I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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