we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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