Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
