i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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