Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
