all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize