Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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