The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
