her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize