I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
