somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
