im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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