just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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