i will never coherently bang her
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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