Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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