I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
