i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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