I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
