Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
