After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
