he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
this hospital has no fireball
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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