We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
