she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
