Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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