yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
