You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
