I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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