Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
