so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
