So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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