I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
