Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize