Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
