Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
