Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
