Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
