I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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