they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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