I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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