Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
