i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
