and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
