don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
