i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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