Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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