and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
