how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize