i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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