my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
