i wish peter jackson would direct porn
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
