i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drunk is not a location!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
