Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
