White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you mean i was at the winter classic?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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