they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
