I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
