Duck Duck Cougar?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
