4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
