he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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