no, he came in my armpit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize