FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
