We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
