i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
