theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
