At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
