Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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