Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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