At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
