Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
