So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
