Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
they call him Oral-B. enough said
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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