Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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