i need an iv and a liver transplant
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize