Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
